One mans journey to a primal life

exoticwild:

What I’m really terrified of is leading an average, ordinary life with a regular job and an invariable routine, planned holidays, an average household, fixed responsibilities and not doing anything different to be remembered by.

(via letting-go-is-freedom)

“Yesterday, I spent 60 dollars on groceries,
took the bus home,
carried both bags with two good arms back to my studio apartment
and cooked myself dinner.
You and I may have different definitions of a good day.
This week, I paid my rent and my credit card bill,
worked 60 hours between my two jobs,
only saw the sun on my cigarette breaks
and slept like a rock.
Flossed in the morning,
locked my door,
and remembered to buy eggs.
My mother is proud of me.
It is not the kind of pride she brags about at the golf course.
She doesn’t combat topics like, ”My daughter got into Yale”
with, ”Oh yeah, my daughter remembered to buy eggs”
But she is proud.
See, she remembers what came before this.
The weeks where I forgot how to use my muscles,
how I would stay as silent as a thick fog for weeks.
She thought each phone call from an unknown number was the notice of my suicide.
These were the bad days.
My life was a gift that I wanted to return.
My head was a house of leaking faucets and burnt-out lightbulbs.
Depression, is a good lover.
So attentive; has this innate way of making everything about you.
And it is easy to forget that your bedroom is not the world,
That the dark shadows your pain casts is not mood-lighting.
It is easier to stay in this abusive relationship than fix the problems it has created.
Today, I slept in until 10,
cleaned every dish I own,
fought with the bank,
took care of paperwork.
You and I might have different definitions of adulthood.
I don’t work for salary, I didn’t graduate from college,
but I don’t speak for others anymore,
and I don’t regret anything I can’t genuinely apologize for.
And my mother is proud of me.
I burned down a house of depression,
I painted over murals of greyscale,
and it was hard to rewrite my life into one I wanted to live
But today, I want to live.
I didn’t salivate over sharp knives,
or envy the boy who tossed himself off the Brooklyn bridge.
I just cleaned my bathroom,
did the laundry,
called my brother.
Told him, “it was a good day.”
— Kait Rokowski (A Good Day)

(Source: justsingyourlifeaway, via choosepositivity)

My Workout For Monday September 30

I earned 827 points for my workout on Fitocracy!


  • Running +827 pts

    • 0:56:52 || 6.2 mi || flat (+827 pts)
    • Great Yorkshire Run beat previous race time by 4.9 minutes

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My Workout For Friday September 06

I earned 937 points for my workout on Fitocracy!


  • Barbell Squat +417 pts

    • 44 lb x 5 reps (+35 pts)
    • 66.1 lb x 5 reps (+41 pts)
    • 88.1 lb x 5 reps (+48 pts)
    • 121.2 lb x 5 reps (+60 pts)
    • 154.3 lb x 8 reps (+85 pts)
    • 132.2 lb x 10 reps (+76 pts)
    • 121.2 lb x 12 reps (+72 pts)
    • Currently following LeanGains as I have never been lean and I want to be!
  • Barbell Bench Press +391 pts

    • 44 lb x 5 reps (+36 pts)
    • 66.1 lb x 5 reps (+42 pts)
    • 88.1 lb x 5 reps (+49 pts)
    • 99.2 lb x 5 reps (+53 pts)
    • 126.7 lb x 8 reps (+72 pts)
    • 121.2 lb x 10 reps (+72 pts)
    • 115.7 lb x 8 reps (+67 pts)
    • RPT Training missed my last 4 reps on the lowest weight
  • Chin-Up +129 pts

    • 8 reps (+49 pts)
    • 6 reps (+40 pts)
    • 6 reps (+40 pts)
    • I nearly got 9 but was just too short next time.

Think you can beat me, or want to comment?

Fitocracy is the social fitness community that has helped hundreds of thousands level up their fitness. Start your fitness transformation today!

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My Workout For Saturday August 17

I earned 2248 points for my workout on Fitocracy!


  • Barbell Squat +1087 pts

    • 44 lb x 5 reps (+35 pts)
    • 66.1 lb x 5 reps (+41 pts)
    • 88.1 lb x 5 reps (+48 pts)
    • 110.2 lb x 5 reps (+55 pts)
    • 132.2 lb x 5 reps (+64 pts)
    • 154.3 lb x 5 reps (+75 pts)
    • 181.8 lb x 5 reps (+90 pts)
    • 181.8 lb x 5 reps (+90 pts)
    • 181.8 lb x 5 reps (+90 pts)
    • 44 lb x 5 reps (+35 pts)
    • 88.1 lb x 5 reps (+48 pts)
    • 152.1 lb x 5 reps (+74 pts)
    • 165.3 lb x 5 reps (+81 pts)
    • 176.3 lb x 5 reps (+87 pts)
    • 176.3 lb x 5 reps (+87 pts)
    • 176.3 lb x 5 reps (+87 pts)
    • 82.5KG again wanted to make sure my depth was better.
  • Barbell Bench Press +778 pts

    • 44 lb x 5 reps (+36 pts)
    • 66.1 lb x 5 reps (+42 pts)
    • 88.1 lb x 5 reps (+49 pts)
    • 110.2 lb x 5 reps (+57 pts)
    • 148.8 lb x 4 reps (+67 pts)
    • 148.8 lb x 4 reps (+67 pts)
    • 148.8 lb x 3 reps (+59 pts)
    • 44 lb x 5 reps (+36 pts)
    • 88.1 lb x 5 reps (+49 pts)
    • 110.2 lb x 5 reps (+57 pts)
    • 132.2 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
    • 148.8 lb x 4 reps (+67 pts)
    • 148.8 lb x 4 reps (+67 pts)
    • 148.8 lb x 3 reps (+59 pts)
    • No improvement on last session wish I wasn’t cutting to blast through this :(
  • Pull-Up +323 pts

    • 8 reps (+58 pts)
    • 9 reps (+63 pts)
    • 6 reps (+46 pts)
    • 8 reps (+58 pts)
    • 7 reps (+52 pts)
    • 6 reps (+46 pts)
    • 21 reps same as last time I will beat this next time argh
  • Running (Intervals/Sprints) +60 pts

    • 180 sec || walk (+5 pts)
    • 60 sec || jog (+5 pts)
    • 30 sec || sprint (+5 pts)
    • 60 sec || run (+5 pts)
    • 30 sec || sprint (+5 pts)
    • 60 sec || run (+5 pts)
    • 30 sec || sprint (+5 pts)
    • 60 sec || run (+5 pts)
    • 30 sec || walk (+5 pts)
    • 60 sec || run (+5 pts)
    • 1800 sec || sprint (+5 pts)
    • 180 sec || walk (+5 pts)
    • 3 mins @ 6.5 1 min @ 10 30 secs @ 14 1 min @ 12 30 secs @ 14.5 1 min @ 12 30 secs @ 15 1 min @ 12 30 secs @16.5 3 mins @ 5

Think you can beat me, or want to comment?

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Now available for free on both iPhone and Android!

My Workout For Tuesday August 13

I earned 299 points for my workout on Fitocracy!


  • Swimming +299 pts

    • 0:45:00 || 250 m || calm || drills (assisted) (+299 pts)
    • Swimming hurts after sqiuats and sprints

Think you can beat me, or want to comment?

Fitocracy is the social fitness community that has helped hundreds of thousands level up their fitness. Start your fitness transformation today!

Now available for free on both iPhone and Android!

My Workout For Tuesday August 13

I earned 1119 points for my workout on Fitocracy!


  • Barbell Squat +499 pts

    • 44 lb x 5 reps (+35 pts)
    • 88.1 lb x 5 reps (+48 pts)
    • 152.1 lb x 5 reps (+74 pts)
    • 165.3 lb x 5 reps (+81 pts)
    • 176.3 lb x 5 reps (+87 pts)
    • 176.3 lb x 5 reps (+87 pts)
    • 176.3 lb x 5 reps (+87 pts)
    • Back up to 80KG
  • Barbell Bench Press +401 pts

    • 44 lb x 5 reps (+36 pts)
    • 88.1 lb x 5 reps (+49 pts)
    • 110.2 lb x 5 reps (+57 pts)
    • 132.2 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
    • 148.8 lb x 4 reps (+67 pts)
    • 148.8 lb x 4 reps (+67 pts)
    • 148.8 lb x 3 reps (+59 pts)
    • Was getting annoyed that I couln’t get a set of 5 I am mad
  • Pull-Up +159 pts

    • 8 reps (+59 pts)
    • 7 reps (+53 pts)
    • 6 reps (+47 pts)
  • Running (Intervals/Sprints) +60 pts

    • 180 sec || walk (+5 pts)
    • 60 sec || jog (+5 pts)
    • 30 sec || sprint (+5 pts)
    • 60 sec || run (+5 pts)
    • 30 sec || sprint (+5 pts)
    • 60 sec || run (+5 pts)
    • 30 sec || sprint (+5 pts)
    • 60 sec || run (+5 pts)
    • 30 sec || walk (+5 pts)
    • 60 sec || run (+5 pts)
    • 1800 sec || sprint (+5 pts)
    • 180 sec || walk (+5 pts)
    • 3 mins @ 6.5 1 min @ 10 30 secs @ 13.5 1 min @ 12 30 secs @ 14.5 1 min @ 12 30 secs @ 15 1 min @ 12 30 secs @16 3 mins @ 12

Think you can beat me, or want to comment?

Fitocracy is the social fitness community that has helped hundreds of thousands level up their fitness. Start your fitness transformation today!

Now available for free on both iPhone and Android!

My Workout For Thursday August 08

I earned 1201 points for my workout on Fitocracy!


  • Barbell Squat +552 pts

    • 44 lb x 5 reps (+35 pts)
    • 66.1 lb x 5 reps (+41 pts)
    • 88.1 lb x 5 reps (+48 pts)
    • 110.2 lb x 5 reps (+55 pts)
    • 132.2 lb x 5 reps (+64 pts)
    • 154.3 lb x 5 reps (+75 pts)
    • 159.8 lb x 5 reps (+78 pts)
    • 159.8 lb x 5 reps (+78 pts)
    • 159.8 lb x 5 reps (+78 pts)
    • Forgot to track this workout from Monday
  • Standing Barbell Shoulder Press (OHP) +503 pts

    • 44 lb x 5 reps (+49 pts)
    • 66.1 lb x 5 reps (+57 pts)
    • 88.1 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
    • 110.2 lb x 5 reps (+76 pts)
    • 121.2 lb x 4 reps (+75 pts)
    • 121.2 lb x 3 reps (+66 pts)
    • 121.2 lb x 3 reps (+66 pts)
    • 132.2 lb x 1 reps (+48 pts)
    • The 1RM was attempted before the set and I was fatigued from a workout in the morning as well
  • Pull-Up +146 pts

    • 7 reps (+55 pts)
    • 7 reps (+55 pts)
    • 4 reps (+36 pts)

Think you can beat me, or want to comment?

Fitocracy is the social fitness community that has helped hundreds of thousands level up their fitness. Start your fitness transformation today!

Now available for free on both iPhone and Android!